Day – 18

7 June

The last few days have been so hectic. I just do not recognise myself and my behaviour. I do not know what I should start and what I should end. I want to know which way but the cloud is too thick. I cried out to the Lord and it seems like an echo into Kimberley’s great big hole…..emptiness and just my own questions echoing back at me.

Is it because of something I did, maybe I do not listen close enough? Maybe I just do not get it, or I think too much, probably the latter! What ever it is I love being in this place. It means that God is working, I am in for repairs and it does feel awkward, because I am taken apart to be renewed and made new. Nobody likes to be taken apart but it is continues the process with the Lord. Is it not our aim, to become more like Jesus? It is a bit like going on a roller coaster, some really high moments and then the dips.

So if you feeling down today and it is just too much too bear, just remember you are not alone, I am feeling it too and I am sure many more. Some of you even have to put up a brave face maybe because you do not want to burden people with your stuff or just because you do not want people to know. Embrace your feelings today. The Lord sees your situation, do not try and fight it, Jehovah will not let you go.

People love to give advice and encouragement. It is because they care, they do not always understand your situation but they do care, but it does not mean that their advice is the correct advice. I worry all the time about getting it wrong or doing the wrong thing in God’s eyes, so I do run around like a frantic animal trying to get an answer ASAP and just because of that I have gotten myself in many pickles.  I laugh now but it was not so funny at the time. hehehe

Al I know for sure at this exact moment is that God will find a way to tell you……..