Day 40                                                                                                                        June 29

Do you honestly believe that Yahweh wants the best for you? Do you believe that He has a special man in mind just for you? Do you believe that you deserve the best? If you cannot answer yes to all these questions it will not realise, you need to believe it. Trust in the man that died for you. Some of us get continuously rejected and that makes us desponded and your heart gets trampled every time but know that the right man will come. On the flip side maybe you do not even have the privilege to give your heart to someone. Whichever side you are on you need to believe that God has someone for you in mind. In the old Jewish traditions the woman’s father chose a husband for her, Jesus lives by His word….

If you are in a relationship now that you know is not good for you and you need to let it go ask the Lord to step in. He will start to show you things that will help you to get out. It is hard we all experience that, we hold on so tight and we try to convince everyone around us through justification that it is actually not as bad as it seems and right throughout we are in so much denial that we pretend that we cannot see the ship sinking. Let me explain, you can be the only girl in a room full of men of all kinds and the Lord will not let them see you because they are not right for you He will harden their hearts so that you will be invisible. God will soften the heart of the right one for you. That is why you will get responses from him like “I am not ready for a commitment” or “I do not really know what I am feeling because I do not know what love is” or “I just want to be friends”. If it is the right one, it will happen from the start, he will committed and it will be easy, it will flow, because it is meant to be. As soon as you feel that you are in relationship that is so much effort, re-evaluate!!! His heart is hardened.

On the other side of the coin, do you feel safe to just stay in your bed away from the outside world, hiding so that you will not be disappointed or be rejected? How can you get out and meet? One-step-at-a-time, if you are not use to socialising then do not choose a function that is over 300 people, but start slow and go to the smaller gatherings. Try and make friends and do not go out there with this mission to find a husband, no, go out to meet friends of all kinds, not just girls or gay men because you just moving into another place of safety. I am not saying run after, I am saying market yourself, by making friends with people. Go out there!!!! Use social media to your advantage.

We live in the times of grace; the angels look in awe of us because they were not washed in His blood. You and I are the one’s Jesus died for.  I have learned to not be so hard on myself all the time and to give it to the Lord. I make mistakes I date the wrong men and then Jesus has to pick up the pieces afterwards. Nothing that I can do will mess up God’s plans for me, if I stay obedient and get out when He says get out, His plans will prevail. Not I or anybody can change that. Sarah tried to interfere with Gods plan but she did not move God one inch so who are we anyway to think that I can mess things up. Rather learn from your experiences, so that you can warn your girlfriends and help them out of their situations. If you obey Gods laws, Dad will not let anything bad happen to you.

If you feel you need to stay because you can help him to get closer to the Lord or get saved…I have very good news for you today. Do not worry it is not your job. We are helpers by nature so naturally we want to help the poor fellow, you know what God will send someone, a male that can help him, not you, no, it is too dangerous, and why would God put you in a circumstance where your heart can be broken. He is a good God, not a sadistic God.

So sit back and relax because God is in control, He will find a way to let you know that you need to turn left or right. Up to that point you have a job to do in the place that you are in whether it is to go or stay, move when God decides to moves you. Stay in obedience. If it is in a relationship now, maybe you have good seed to sow and show him what a godly woman and wife  is all about, and if you are not dating at the moment maybe you need a time of healing and rest before God can move you again. I pray that you get peace and understanding, that you will not be hard on yourself because of your mistakes but to be kind to yourself. Do not lose who you are through an abusive relationship and I pray that you will be able to let go and come back to His loving arms. If you are scared to go out there I pray protection over you and boldness to market yourself and to know how beautiful you are and that you only deserve the best!!!!!!

Day 38                                                                                                                        June 27

Identity, Authority and Provision

Do you know your identity in Christ or are you waiting for a husband to complete you so that you will be perfect? Do you stand in your authority as an heir and understand and believe that Yahweh wants the absolute best for you. Are you waiting for a husband to provide for you?

I want more than just a bread winner. I want a friend and companion. Someone that I can laugh with, share my fears and my joys all the rest of my days. If you are only focussed on looking for a man to fulfil your identity, authority and provide for you,  you will be disappointed because people lose their jobs, the strongest empires fall, celebrities become has-beens and nobody can give you an identity other that Christ Jesus. Ask the Lord to provide for you, ask Him to make it real, your identity in Him and make you understand your authority in Him rather than wanting people to do it, people will disappoint.

We all need these three things in our lives so I am not saying you are not allowed to want it, what I am saying is, how do you use and get to your authority, provision and identity. Do you have thoughts like: If only I had a man in my life to help me with all this, or if only I had an amazing job to cover everything. I do not want to be a millionaire; I just want to be able to pay what I need to and buy a pizza or two. Maybe you think you are actually okay you do not need a man because you can look after yourself.

My journey: May 2008 I lost my very successful business that existed for 7 years at the time. It was an area that I did not allow the Lord in because I was so good at what I did. I turned over a quarter of a million rand a month and I was independent, not reliant on a man to provide for me because that meant submitting to him, right, wrong, the Lord needed to get in because if I could not submit to a husband how in the world would I have been able to submit to my Father, totally rely on Him for everything, not just the stuff I am NOT capable of doing but in every area of my life, so the story unfolded and I hit recession, my business closed within two months and it became a struggle for 33 months of total reliance on the Lord every month. My identity, authority and provision were getting rebuilt into Christ.

I only build the company for an image, that said I am in independent, if I need money, I will provide for myself, an image that showed that I can make it without anyone. I showed everyone that I can be a success and I had authority and provision that made me felt superior. God could not help me or tell me what to do. You do not need to be unsaved to experience areas in your life that is hidden from God.  

We are children of God, nobody said we have to be poor, we cannot have slavery mentality but we need to have victory mentality and all areas of your life so that we can stand in the authority and identity and then provision will come, sometimes spiritually, sometimes with money. But knowing form experience, if God does not necessary make you the best sales person on the floor sometimes he wants you to just trust Him to the end because no matter what happens, if you do your share so will the Lord and He will not allow anything to happen to you because He loves you. He is right there to catch you.

Some of us look for that identity in our jobs or who we married to, or maybe you expect to meet someone that would provide for you. Our Father is the only one that can stand in those shoes, no human even me is able to have a fool proof recipe of making a success without the Lord. We need to understand our authority is only in Christ, our provision only comes from Christ and our Identity is in Christ. It is not who you knew, it is not what you did; it is how you live from a day to day basis. No man in your life can give you what God can, they are human too and can only do as much as God allows them to do, so place your trust in the Lord first then he will provide you with a man that would work with you rather than  him working for you.

Day 34                                                                                     June 23

Depressed….continues

Do you see yourself as a grasshopper? The Israelites were too scared to go into the Promised Land because the giants were so big!!!!! No they only saw themselves as being small? It was what they saw in themselves that defeated them. How do you see yourself today? Do you tell yourself that you will never be happy or find happiness? Start one step at a time. Build yourself up, look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I can do this” If you have a thought that says I am fat, nobody looks at me say: “I am beautiful in Gods eyes I am not a failure.”

I will tell you a bit of my life. I have been battling with depression for many years and so naturally I also had the weight to prove it. I tried every diet under the sun, researched all kinds of exercise, pasted pictures of exercises on the walls in my house, but I did not drop one kg. I asked and begged the Lord to help and then one day I saw a quote “If your mind cannot see it your body cannot achieve it” – it is a running theme throughout, if you do not think “thin” you will not loose weight. God has shown me that our weight problems are directly linked to our state of mind. As testimony I weighed 84kg after my son was born, today I weigh 57kg because I changed the way I think about my weight…

So would it be correct if I say that everything you think will become reality? Do not live in the imaginary world, in the future, we are missing out on so much right now. So much of our thoughts are in the future, with imagery that becomes our reality. You know what it is “pretend play” – the problem is it becomes true because we think it. Scary but true, that is why satan loves to plant ideas in our heads because he understands the physical manifestation it has on our bodies. The thought comes, you start to play the possible play in your head and you start seeing the disaster, the pain and even the effect after that and the saga continues. You start to participate in satan’s grasshopper mentality. YOU CAN STOP IT. If you choose to stop your mind from going there it will not become reality and God can enter in and finish the story the way He wants it to end.

I always wondered what they meant by keep your eyes on Jesus. It is not physically looking at Him but quieting your mind and not being focussed on your bad box office movie disaster in your imaginary world. You can focus on the step you have to take next instead of worrying about what next week is going to happen. “1-DAY-AT-A-TIME.” Today you will be positive, today you will change your expectations. Let God come in now and let Him do His work in you now at this moment. Let him mould you to become the woman you are called to be. See yourself strong. Believe yourself strong. See yourself thin and beautiful and God will do the rest. Turn the tables on satan and let him find out what it feels like to be a grasshopper for a change. hehehehe

Day 33                                                                                     June 22

Depression

You do not have to be diagnosed to be depressed. We all have our moments where we are negative or just tired of our circumstances. Sick and tired of being alone, being a single mom is hard and carrying all the responsibilities by yourself takes its toll. Being single and only a dead plant for company has its own depression state that goes along with it. It feels like you are slipping away from the Lord on a daily basis…..what is making us feel like this, is it lack of faith or is life just pressing down so hard that we cannot come up for air? A mentor of mine, lets call her Caz, once told me that you cannot hear the Lord clearly when you are in that state of mind, its like driving through a really bad reception area and the message is breaking up and nothing is making sense. You have to put the phone down get through that area and then try connecting again later.

Right so we are placed with two problems, one I am sad, depressed, alone, negative all the time and I am just not happy because nothing is working out for me. Problem two, I cannot hear the Lord at all to get out of this place back into a place of joy!!! So what can I do?  

I am very hard on myself I want my car to run on high speed all the time, I want my refs to run in the 8000’s and stay there…..eish, I am going to blow my “casket” – translated treasure chest or strong box. Is that not exactly what we do? And Yahweh says: “You are my treasure, my strong box, protect yourself from blowing up”

You know I once had this vision of satan with his pitch black horns sitting with all his demon buddies on a wall looking down on us like they watching a movie and they messy eating, screaming, grunting and throwing black popcorn at us. Every time we cry and get depressed, feel lonely and sad, they laugh and throw more popcorn and snigger!! We are this movie to them, entertainment to their deep black souls. I do not want to entertain satan and his buddies in anyway at all.

The last two weeks I have been occupying myself with this little exercise, asking the Lord to help me get out of this negative thinking and operating in that negative space everyday. I cannot turn the corners at a speed that would let me wipe out….I need to slow down get through the turn or get through the bad reception area so that I can hear clearly again…..so what did I do?

I geared down and took some pressure off myself. One step at a time, walking out of bad thinking takes patients and time, so I took advice from an interesting book that said renew your mind, breaking negative thought patterns. With advice from Caz I started wearing an elastic band around my arm everyday, every time I have a bad thought like, “I am not good enough” I shoot myself with the elastic and I say “GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!” My body starts to respond in a way that she does not want to think negative thoughts because she is going to experience pain and satan stops attacking her mind because if he does bring a negative thought she will just start praising the Father, he hates it when you do that so he will start leaving you alone…..

I started 2 weeks ago, planning on going for 40 days (40 breaks a habit) and my progress so far is amazing. I started hearing the Lord again yesterday; I am making wiser decisions, time managing my day so much better. I am not so forgetful as I was and I am thinking thoughts like “No matter the outcome, it is exactly what God wants, he is in control again and I am not worried”

It is amazing, you have to try this, it is gooood stuff!!!!

*satan’s name does not deserve to be in capital – so it is not a spelling mistake

PRAISE BE TO GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 32

June 21

WARNING SIGNS…to be continued

David had a weakness for woman, Moses had low self-esteem, Solomon had a weakness for wealth, Paul was too ashamed to even mention his thorn in the flesh and Peter could not make up his mind. Whatever your weakness is we all have one, nobody is perfect. Embrace your weakness and other people’s flaws but do not be abused or manipulated in any way. Here are a few more tips on dating.

1. Don’t think you can change someone; the person you meet is the person he will stay. Do not think you can pray him into heaven because you are making an altar out of him. People need to walk their own journeys and if you need to minister to someone God will use you to minister to another woman not to the same sex, there is too many dangers in ministering the opposite sex. Encourage him to find a godly man who can help him, but you should get out fast.  You are not sent by God to fix him.  That is the Holy Spirit’s work.
2. If he hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, there is a problem
3. If he ill-treats your animals
4. If he tells you he loves you very soon, wants to marry you quickly and promises you the world and a big house…see these as warning signs, a relationship needs time to mature and develop before you think of even getting engaged. Give it time. Do not let your imagination run away with you about marriage and kids before 2 months have passed, just focus on getting to know him. He will fall out of love as quick as he fell in-love with you…impulsive and unpredictable
5. Getting anger outbursts - like driving too fast because his mad, breaking or throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction
6. When he does not support your ministry or does not encourage you to stay involved with the church instead stealing your attention away from the things and plans of God
7. When you decide to get out of an abusive relationship, let your family know and do not listen or be manipulated by pleads that he would change, gifts at this point is a manipulative tools to buy you back. He may even go as far as threatening suicide. He will try and negotiate or deal with halfway measures like "Let's just date one more month” Just be strong and let your family know what is going on so that they can pray with you and support you
8. It can be difficult to be clear-headed in a dating relationship.  It is easy to see only the positive in the other person and completely ignore any warning signs.  Optimism for a relationship can cloud judgment.Continuously ask yourself if this man has the qualities you will need in a husband, that is why you need to see the warning signs
9. Are you more interested in Christ than the man in your life is? Remember you need to submit to him when you DO get married so will he be able to lead your home and your kids spiritually?
10. Does he want to grow spiritually? How passionate is he about reading God’s Word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers in a biblically solid church?  Is he servant-hearted? 
11. Does he expect you to be everything to him and always make him happy
12. The unmarried man’s actions are a good indicator of how he would be during marriage. If he cannot stop himself from having sex with you now why would he be able to resist another woman after you are married. The same applies for sexual innuendo that is inappropriate before marriage.  If he is always broaching conversations about sex, he is not doing a good job of helping you to protect your mind against lust before marriage.  I am not implying that a man has to be a prude, but he is to be a protector.
13. If a man is addicted to pornography or masturbates, he is already committing adultery/fornication in his heart, even before you tie the knot.  He is already showing that he is unwilling to “forsake all others,” and that he is not living a pure lifestyle. God’s will is for your sanctification, which includes purity.  Is that your date’s heart for himself and you?  If it is not, then he is a defrauder, who loves himself more than you or God.  Don’t expect marriage to change him.
14. Try and not give gifts prematurely, let him woo you
15. Let him pursue you, do not drive after him or pick him up. Let him visit you and do not drive home alone late at night, if he allows that you need to ask yourself does he take your needs in consideration
16. You are not his mom, so do not fix his socks or decorate his home

Phew, that is a mouth full, personal experience and some research that would help you along the way. Girls we are not the hunters but the hunted. If he does not pursue you he is not worth it. YOU are however worth it.

Be blessed

Day 31

Day 31

June 20

WARNING SIGNS

Woman has an internal alarm that goes off if there is potential danger. Mother Nature I guess. But can we sense it just as well, when it happens to you? Maybe we do see the warning signs but we choose to ignore it, or do we really miss it completely? You do not know someone through an instant attraction. And you certainly cannot trust your own heart. We are human and nobody can think straight when emotions are involved. The thing is we do not know for real who and what a person is all about until much later. Sometimes it is hurtful because you have discovered things that are not that perfect picture you originally had imagined. You feel cheated and manipulated and lied to so how do I distinguish between the real thing and a fake?

The problem is we are all about the end result, God is about the process. God prepares us all the time, on our journey towards the end result. Preparation is waiting. Wait for God to tell you the next step; do not run ahead of Him. I tend to just run, I think I know and then want to finish it off by myself, like a toddler thinking I can walk by myself, but I fall without fail. God will find a way to tell you. I know that from experience ;-)

Maybe these tips will help you through your process:

1. Do not date in secret, introduce him to your family and friends so that they can help you see the real him
2. Listen to your families advice, they are not emotionally involved and can see things that you cannot
3. Get to know each other as friends first, most men can only pretend up to 2 months then the real person is revealed
4. Do not date younger men that do not have a job or a car, they will tell you what you need to hear so that he can score a free meal, ever heard of a sugar mama, you do not  need to be super rich to be one, as long as you can pay!!!
5. Men that do not carry the fruits of the spirit
6. Getting angry in the traffic or screaming at your child or the waiter
7. Complaining about other people and everybody at work
8. If he does not have his own friends
9. Being negative about life and finding fault (even in you)
10. Correcting you all the time
11. Complaining about your weight
12. Drinking everyday even if it is just one
13. Only buying flowers to say sorry
14. If he just wants to get married, there is no rush, get to know him first
15. If he does not see his own children regularly
16. If he bad-mouths his x-wife
17. Moody
18. If he controls you – do I need to explain?
19. If he pushes you to have sex, no matter what he says, he has not your interest at heart, believe it!!!!!
20. If he flirts with other woman, or talks about woman all the time, commenting about woman passing by, even the waitress, making sexual remarks by sms or on the phone or blatantly to you.
21. Only wants be alone with you all the time, be accountable, meet friends and get to know him socially.

This is but to mention a few!! Remember, pray throughout your relationship, God will protect you if you surrender it to Him. If you stay in His will He will be faithful and will reveal the warning signs to you. Be alert and wise in your decisions and you will stay under His shield. We all need to pray for each other and stand together as Christians in the body of Christ. Please pray for your friends and for us who are walking through the mine fields……

Day 26

PRAYER for a GODLY HUSBAND

Holy Father, You said that woman was made from the rib which was taken from man. Therefore I come to You now, asking for the man whom I was created for – a true steward of God. He shall leave his father and his mother and cleave unto me, and I will be his help meet. I thank You for a husband who will love me even as Christ also loved the church, and we shall be heirs together of the grace of life according to Your Word. O Lord my God, You said that the man is the image and glory of God. Therefore I come to You now, praising You for a husband who will nourish and cherish me and not be bitter against me. He will be blameless, vigilant, sober and apt to teach. He will be patient, respectful, of good behaviour, and will hold the mystery of faith in a pure conscience. He will be a just, holy, temperate man - holding fast the faithful Word as he has been taught. I thank You for a husband who is not covetous, self-willed, easily angered or lifted up with pride. And because he rules well his own house, our children and I will be in subjection to him according to Your Word. Abba, Father, You said that the head of every man is Christ and he who walks in uprightness fears the Lord. Therefore I come to You now, thanking You for a husband who will give honour unto me, as unto the weaker vessel, so that his prayers will not be hindered. My husband is blessed; therefore he does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful. His delight is in the law of the Lord; and in that law, he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth his fruit in his season. His leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he does shall prosper. I thank You for a trustworthy husband who will please me and render due benevolence unto me according to Your Word. God Most High, You said that a wife should not depart from her husband and a husband should not put away his wife. Therefore I come to You now, vowing that when my husband is bound unto me, he will not seek to be loosed. I will hold my beloved, whom my soul loves, and I will not let him go. According to Your Word, I decree and declare that whom God has joined together, no man shall put asunder. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

A compilation of scripture by Sharlyne C. Thomas, author of When Heaven Hears Your Prayer.

http://www.takeupthysword.com/

Day 25

June 14

Today is a sad day….it started out so good and joyful and then ended up being washed in so much hurt. People judge and say hurtful things about one another. They do not stop and think how much it will hurt if they found out. Talking softly behind people’s backs and if exposed we feel guilty. Maybe we should look at ourselves first before we look at other people and let the guilt set in before we say something that would hurt.

We are all just searching for the same things, we all trying to survive day to day. We want to be loved and cherished by someone and be accepted. So if we all want the same thing why are we judging other people so harshly? Is it some kind of remedy, to make ourselves feel better about our own life? Do I feel more in control and elevated when I see other people doing the wrong thing? NEWSFLASH – Not one person on earth is in control of his own life, we all make mistakes, we all have a past , we all mess up somewhere along the line. Throwing daggers at each others ugly pasts is causing more injury. I have judged people; I have looked at other people’s relationships and judged them. I have even looked at other people bringing up their kids differently and even had a thing or two to say about that but today I realise how harsh it can be, how hurtful, so why judge if I can rather say something nice or be supportive and understanding.

The Lord says do not steal; do not steal someone’s joy by judging. Do not play God BY judging. I am guilty of this sin…..and if someone said something about you today, just know like a beautiful friend of mine said “What people say about you is not your business” Keep your head high, God loves you and excepts you warts and all!!!!!

If I offended anyone out there today I say please forgive me. Lord I pray that you will help me not to judge others because I have felt the hurt that it causes. You are the only judge and who am I to form an opinion of your beautiful people. You love me as much as you do them and I see that now.

Amen

Day 24

Self examination

We are focused on meeting Mr. Right but are we looking at ourselves and asking am I a godly woman ready for a godly man? Lord do I need more work before I am ready to be introduced to the man you have for me? Self-examination is the order of the day. I want to be the best I can be so that I can attract the best there is for me.

So I did some research and looked at Ruth’s character. A lady that clung to her destiny? I know that she did not focus on searching for a husband; sure I know she probably had this deep desire inside of her to have someone to hold. God did not make a joke when he said “a woman’s desire will be for her husband” so ladies do not feel bad, it is an absolute natural feeling to want a husband. Yeah it’s biblical!!! Ruth was a gentile and her faithfulness led her to a greater inheritance. She depicts the example of a woman who would not compromise and focused on looking after her very sour mother in law. How many of us will do that? We all have to make a choice about loving the world more that Yahweh. What are you doing with your choice?

A godly woman is….                                    an ungodly woman is….

Courageous	Afraid
Kind	Rude
Loyal	Disloyal
Determined	Irresolute (unsure)
Diligent	Lazy
Trustworthy	Corrupt
Wilful (conscience design or purpose)	Disobedient
Confident	Timid (lack of confidence)
Wise	Ignorant (lack of knowledge or awareness)
Joyful	Sad
Pure	Unclean
Self-controlled	Irresponsible
Patient	In-patient
Gentle	Angry
Humble	Controlling
Compassionate	Selfish
Virtuous (having moral excellence)	Rebellious
Meek (restrained power)	Stubborn

An ungodly woman wants to be stubbornly independent; independence from men, independence from God, independence from anything or anyone except themselves.

A Godly woman thinks before she acts, knows how to comfort and encourage, accepts and gives nothing less than the best, does not let outside influences stop her from being a godly woman. Women of God, we are royalty! Let's not live beneath our stations as princesses! We are special because our Heavenly Father cherishes us. Be strong, dignified, multitalented and caring and an individual in your own right. Be completely trusted with the responsibility for the lands, property and goods. Have the business skills to buy and sell in the market, along with the heartfelt sensitivity and compassion to care for and fulfill the needs of people who are less fortunate. Cheerfully and energetically tackle the challenges each day. But first and foremost, never take your eyes of Jesus. Make God’s will your primary goal in life. Be a woman after God’s heart….

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Day – 21

10 June

Every New Year I write to my Lord and tell Him what I want to learn for that particular year. I have learned to be very careful for what I ask for because he does answer every prayer. Lol So I asked Him to teach me to love unconditionally. See how quickly God gives you a person or a taxi that you need to deal with after a request like that!!!

Yikes I had to deal with the most impossible characters in my life. Half the time it is your own family that is the biggest challenge of all. If you can love them you can love everybody. Whoop-whoop. God really honoured my prayer and gave me people to love through any circumstance no matter what they did to me. It was not easy but I have learned to stop defending myself. I have learned to keep the peace instead of arguing my point to death. I have learned that I am not always right. I have learned to listen to people more and to understand what they must be going through.

It does hurt to be scolded by someone but loving that person back within those circumstances makes them stop, and also if you not angry all the time you are not defending yourself anymore and not looking at your own circumstances and being Jesus in people’s lives brings another type of satisfaction and peace over you. It directs all the attention away from yourself and you finally reaching out.

I know it was something I needed to learn before I get married. My desire is to be a praying wife and not a nagging wife. I want a marriage that would last and not be a war zone. Thank you Lord for teaching me to love unconditionally, because for richer or for poorer for sickness and in health I will stand by my man, the man God will choose for me.

It is an honour to compliment a man and I can only do that out of a place of healing.

Day – 20

9 June

I learned about self-pity today and boy did I hate to admit that I do that sometimes. I do not see that I ever feel sorry for myself – (DENIAL!!!!!!)….am I capable of using my self-pity as a manipulation tool so that people would feel sorry for me and with me and then reply with absolute confidence and satisfaction…ah I so needed that person to carry me and lick my wounds with me, well the fact that I expect people to lick my wounds with me is just disgusting, yuk!!!

If I pulled anyone into my self-pity pit, I ask your forgiveness today. I want to leave childish things behind, get up and walk in the joy of Christ, rejoicing and praising Him, for every blessing, big or small he has ever given me

You know we have this self-talker that tells us that we deserve this NOW. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Look at my circumstances, it will never change. Only we can change that, no deliverance or person can get us out of that. One step a day, every day you can start changing the way you think about yourself. Jehovah will never tell you negative things in your ear. It is not in His nature to say negative things, He only builds up and restores. So who do you think is saying these things to you?

Esau once said that he is so hungry he is going to die! Well only one day out in the field, taking in consideration the size of this man I do not think he was dying….;-) . Yet he sold his whole inheritance because his self-talker said he was going to die. Do not listen to your self-talker because it lies. God is truth, God would have said well munch on an apple in the meantime, supper will be ready soon. That is the truth. Do not let deception rob you from the actual gift.

Love you guys

From the biggest culprit

Day – 19

8 June

Do you have a grudge?

We all have to deal with people every day that hurts us; maybe it is a few from the past, old boyfriends that ill-treated you? Maybe it is a family member.

Forgiving is part of the healing process of letting go of the past. You know I get this picture in my mind of playing tug of war with that person. How long have you been in the game? I do not know about you but just thinking about it makes me tired. Letting go will leave you standing hahaha, so the best way of dealing with the past is to JUST LET GO!!

We have a past, I would have loved to have been exempt from this or have a bad case of amnesia but the past is what makes me who I am today. We love to be “past” people. We should be “future” people. Do not walk backwards, turn around leave the past behind and look forward, where you can see clearly where you going. Do not listen to the judgemental comments that “past” people throw at you. Just make sure you are facing forward.

However broken your past may be, God is holding you and working a purpose through you. It is not always obvious but it is to Him. However ashamed I may feel of what has gone before, however weak, however precarious your present circumstances, believe that God has still some future plan for you. He still holds you because he still loves you. Often it is precisely to broken people that he has come and through them worked mighty deeds and wonderful works. Maria Magdalene had 7 demons, yikes some thought in those days and yet she was the one that waited faithfully until the end at the grave for Jesus. Jesus appeared to her first, not His mom or the disciples but to her the most broken one of them all!!!!!!!!

I am letting my rope go, my hands are raw from the rope-burns of holding on so tight, but I can now walk away from it and not be so tired anymore. Forgiveness

Just let go

Day – 18

7 June

The last few days have been so hectic. I just do not recognise myself and my behaviour. I do not know what I should start and what I should end. I want to know which way but the cloud is too thick. I cried out to the Lord and it seems like an echo into Kimberley’s great big hole…..emptiness and just my own questions echoing back at me.

Is it because of something I did, maybe I do not listen close enough? Maybe I just do not get it, or I think too much, probably the latter! What ever it is I love being in this place. It means that God is working, I am in for repairs and it does feel awkward, because I am taken apart to be renewed and made new. Nobody likes to be taken apart but it is continues the process with the Lord. Is it not our aim, to become more like Jesus? It is a bit like going on a roller coaster, some really high moments and then the dips.

So if you feeling down today and it is just too much too bear, just remember you are not alone, I am feeling it too and I am sure many more. Some of you even have to put up a brave face maybe because you do not want to burden people with your stuff or just because you do not want people to know. Embrace your feelings today. The Lord sees your situation, do not try and fight it, Jehovah will not let you go.

People love to give advice and encouragement. It is because they care, they do not always understand your situation but they do care, but it does not mean that their advice is the correct advice. I worry all the time about getting it wrong or doing the wrong thing in God’s eyes, so I do run around like a frantic animal trying to get an answer ASAP and just because of that I have gotten myself in many pickles.  I laugh now but it was not so funny at the time. hehehe

Al I know for sure at this exact moment is that God will find a way to tell you……..

Day 14 – 3 June

Do you want to be a 1-man-woman?

God never intended for any of us to experience pain or loss. When I cry he cries with me. As much as a mother does not want her child to get hurt and so badly want to protect them from getting hurt, so much so, does my Father not want me to hurt?

So he does give advice and speaks wise words. I have the choice to either be a rebellious teenager and listen to my friend’s advice and disregard my Parent. He says when I have peace inside then he can protect my heart and mind. Lets see if I rest in His promise and do not go that place of being scared of the future then He says I will be okay. Being confident that there is this huge inheritance waiting then I will be sure not to give pieces of my heart away to the wrong person. What will be left for the man God has chosen for me if I just keep on loosing pieces along the way?

After my divorce I have been moving in some circles where people are divorced, some on the second divorce. There is so much hurt there and pain from these break-ups. No wonder God hates divorce. He knew it would destroy us and our future relationships that we will have after we are broken. If you are thinking of getting divorced today, please know from being on the other side. This brokenness you will experience afterwards is not worth it, rather get onto your knees and ask God to help you find that person again. He stands strongly for family. Jehovah will make you priority that I can promise you.

My heart is a treasure, giving my heart completely to someone is giving my everything, body, soul and mind. I want to give it the one God has chosen for me, in that lays peace, in that my heart and my mind are protected. Ladies it is a gift, a privilege to give it away, don’t deliver it to the wrong oak that would mess up that beautiful wrapping and then after he has thrown it aside, you have to put it back together again, this wrinkled gift with a ribbon torn……

Day 13 - 2nd of June

I love you….

Hey look at you beautiful can you see what I see?

You’re standing tall in a fallen world because you’re able to lean on Me

Remember where you’re from My Love I called you before you were born

To tread on the heads of serpents to sleep softly through storms

Let Me remind you who you are

This love is written in stars and scars

Set me as a seal upon your heart

A seal of Holy fire so we’ll never be apart

Everything that hinders love will fail

You can’t escape My love all consuming like the grave

Hey look at you My lovely burning brightly in the mud

Nothing can quench an ocean of fire not even a dragon’s flood

My love let Me remain your first love I’ll remind you when you forget

There’s no greater reward for sacrifice than the love that inspired it

Let Me remind you who you are

This love is written in stars and scars

Song of Songs chapter 8 verse 5-7

Day 12

I talked with a good friend the other day about what a Godly man looks like. Have you made your list before God, do you know what a Godly man looks like......?

A Godly Man is…

·         Someone who knows he is a man

·         Willing to take risks

·         Spiritually Violent (Mat 11:12)

·         Knows where his strength comes from

·         Tenacious

·         Confident in God

·         Respected

·         Full of wisdom

·         Willing to be a servant

·         Willing to fight against all odds

·         One who chases after God.

·         One who knows who he is in God

·         One who holds his brothers strong and helps them to stand

·         One who doesn’t back down under fire

·         Humble

·         Passionate

·         Obedient

·         Selfless

An Ungodly man is…

·         Self absorbed

·         a Hypocrite

·         Lazy

·         Predial

·         Self confident (confidence comes from self not God)

·         a Coward

·         Takes the easy way

·         Spineless

·         Insecure

·         Greedy

·         A traitor

·         Condemning/Judgmental

·         Tolerant of his own sin

·         Hard Hearted

 Taken from Wild at Heart