24 may 2011 Day 5

…today is one of those days where my thoughts are overwhelmed with questions of “why?” Why do bad things happen to good people? Why have I not met “him” yet? Why is it so hard? Why can God not just make it work for me now? Why am I not good enough? Why am still single?

Okay, admittedly I am throwing a tantrum today…..

God always uses my son to show me how He works.

He’s dad and I throw my little tantrums. He’s the parent and He knows what is better. He knows what is good for me and what not, so sometimes He takes away from me because it is bad. Sometimes He allows me to go through it because I need to learn for myself the same way we are with our kids. We do not want them to get hurt. I know that God does not want me to hurt like this…

I read that He even captures every tear in a bottle. I imagine I have a store room up there in the left wing of heaven especially marked “Silma’s tears”.  So I have done my fair share of fulfilling scripture right there, but I cannot loose hope. I need to hold on to the fact that all this is not for nothing; that the timing will be perfect and knowing my dad, that He will not be late. That is all I have! If I cannot do that, then why am I a Christian, and why am I praying to someone if there is not hope behind it?

I started making lists after every relationship in order to see what I needed to learn from it so that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again, So far so good. I have successfully not made the same mistakes. Now I just need to stop looking for the right man and work on being the right woman.

So here I am carrying on… walking (I can’t run at the moment) the race… because I need to finish.