27 May 2011- Day 8

I have a heart for the Lord. I have a lifestyle of devotion. I want to be the best daughter I can be, but I make mistakes, almost every day I slip up. Feeling guilty use to be a huge burden I carried until the Lord said: It is not about making mistakes Silma, it is about learning and not doing them again, it is about growth and slowly stepping away from every habitual sin, little by little every day. It is the fact that you have never given up!” I do get up and try again, again and again. I have fallen many times in the last 6 years but I got right back up……

That is what it is all about is it not? Not giving up this discipline of living only for Jehovah. You know I have a choice today to either fight it or embrace it, pride will tell me that I am ready now, but pride will eventually fall of his horse. I am not ready. God has to deal with a few more things before I am ready to enter into a healthy godly marriage and I am willing to learn because I want to be best I can be for God and my husband one day.

The focus will turn away from me now the next 7 months and I want to focus it on the Lord. I want to bless Him for what He has done in my life. Maria, I can relate with, 7 demons, shame this poor girl did not live in the North, she would have had much more than that to deal with. Lol Well I can tell you this from where I came from I make her look like a hotdog stand in comparison, but you know what? I am free and it is all because of Him. I have never known myself the way I do now, I use to be scared and anxious all the time, even driving somewhere was traumatic for me for years; I threw myself into an amazing business, hiding behind success so nobody would see how scared I really was. satan destroyed my innocence through pain, abuse and rejection and God washed it all away. Today I am new. God has given me a second change to have the life I was promised.

I want to give back and show Him how much I love Him the next 7 months. Blessing Him by sitting at His feet and taking in all He has for me…JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.

26 May - Day 7

I am in a tug war every minute of the day. One side I have a voice saying you wasting time, this is ridiculous, on the other side I have a voice saying first fruit….I am sufficient enough.

This is all on purpose….

I need to get alone with God, become more “others” focussed, and I am just self-centered and consumed by my own situation. God’s purpose is bigger than my little drama. God is a God of purpose and this time spent waiting, resting in Him is not time wasted. Waiting is hard because it is work, but waiting works. In this waiting God is going to work inside of me and accomplish His purpose.

Enjoying the process….

God is saying over and over just wait. Wait a little longer. Off course we get frustrated, if Mc Donald’s can do it under 5min why can’t my Lord? No I have to fall in love with my Father so much that I loos sight of the outcome. Waiting is surely not being passive, I discover so much in those times, I learn about myself. I am a goal-orientated person it is all about the goal, right? Come on girls am I alone here? Everyday I realize that Dad is about the process and not the goal.

I am can be so goal-orientated that miss what God has for me today. No but I will be happy when I am married and have more kids, but what about today? Am I wishing my life away and not taking everything out of today that I need? Clearly God is trying to tell me there is so much today that I want to show you!!

You see what happens is when I am focussed on the outcome, I want to rush through the process to get there, just to say “okay I did it that; it is done what is next?” Come one lets not loose time here, life clock is ticking! but the Lord is just asking that I would just sit down with Him, don’t miss Me, Silma

Abraham and Sarah waited 25years for their baby, during that time God worked inside of them; it is not a cosmic “take-a-number-thing”. God does not give a promise and says: “I will check in on you in 25 years from now, cool cheers” That is not my God – He is a man of detail……