Day 56                                                                                                   18 July 2011

Sex, masturbation and oral sex

What is your opinion? Is sex okay before marriage? Is it ok to just “pet or petting”- (masturbation and oral sex transformed on each other) after all we are not having sex we are just enjoying each other....Where do we draw the line? What does the bible say, what are we allowed to do and what not? Are you depended on a sexual relationship to feel loved?

 I have read allot of books about staying pure and keeping yourself for your husband. It was amazing and I got allot out of it but I am a divorced, single mom that has been there, no secret there, my son is seven. I have tasted the life of sexual intimacy and stepping back into purity is a cliché to most of the books I have read, so I decided to investigate myself and ask the Lord to guide me and explain to me how far is too far.

Well we all know that we cannot have sex before marriage. Do we practice these principles today or have we been sucked into the worldly system that says it is okay. I have heard people say that I have been married before and I am not making the same mistakes so I will test drive before I buy. Some ask how you would know you are sexually compatible if you do not try it out. I have had boyfriends that said we need to enjoy each other some way or the other so petting is fine...Then the best is “we are going to get married anyway” If I had to believe that from every guy I have dated I would have slept with so many thinking that they will marry me...no girls please do not fall for that one.

Sex has become an industry. Everywhere we see the image of men and women being used to sell products or to simply stir the passions.  It is not sacred, holy and pure anymore. The marriage bed is defiled and we are confused about the love that lies within “making love” So I had a look at Corinthians. According to history the ladies of Corinth was very promiscuous and Paul said “do not be sexual immoral” which meant no adultery, no sex with animals, no sex whilst a woman menstruates and no sexual idolatry.

Idolatry is the use of an object to obtain that which only God can provide. Makes you think about how pornography has been portrayed and how you see and understand sex today. I want more "X" in my life. I will use this object to obtain more of "X".  “X” can be any emotional state for example peace, security, a heightened sense of well-being, promise of a better future, a rejuvenated sense of meaning and purpose, place or power, I desire, I want, I have. Sexual immorality finds its grounding in the "objectification" of other people. Think about the term "sex object."  Think of the use of images, the manipulation of surfaces, the airbrushed ephemera, and the pixilated ghost on a screen. We make others into objects to obtain that which only God can provide. We love objects and use people. We use people as objects. And what is it we hope to gain, perhaps the restoration of certain emotional ends such as a renewed sense of security or peace or power or place or assurance?

God created sex as a physical, emotional and spiritual experience, and petting, porn and sexual relationships before marriage is a partial representation of it. It is clearly just a substitute for the real thing. So the question is not what am I allowed to do but does it divert my devotion away from God, does is cause spiritual confusion and damages our discernment of right and wrong. Does it give you a “deluded heart” which misleads you? Sexual immorality grieves the Holy Spirit within us and then we feel sick mentally, emotional and physically afterwards. A sexual addiction is connected to your thoughts, have you build an altar for sex thoughts in your mind, where sexual thoughts seem to rise above everything else. This thought process will mean going through life loving things and using people rather than using things and loving people.

If you want to let go of this and you want to love people rather than things you can pray this prayer: 

"Father God, I confess that I have sinned through idolatry in these specific ways:  ……(name them all).   I see these activities and attitudes as sin and I ask Your forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ.  Lord I ask that you will help me destroy any high places I have made in my mind for sin.  Thank you, Lord, for this forgiveness I have in Jesus. Father God,  I turn from my sinful ways now, and I surrender every area of my life that has been a source of idol worship: ....(name them all).   I cast my idols behind me and close the door to them once and for all.  I break the altars of sin I have made in my mind and wash them away with the blood of Jesus Christ.  I commit myself to serving and worshipping God.  In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen. I renounce my sin of idolatry and any evil spirits associated with it.   I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to depart from me and trouble me no more.  I close the door to these idols, bar it with the cross of Christ and seal it with the blood of Christ.  In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen."